We regret to inform you that Elon Musk has once again said he’ll fight someone in hand-to-hand combat.
This time it’s Nicolás Maduro, the President of Venezuela, who Musk believes has orchestrated election fraud. His opponent may be different, but we suspect the outcome will be the same as all the other challenges: a lot of sound and fury, and then no fight actually happening.
Maduro has held office since 2013, and as a leader of the nation’s socialist party, he’s drawn plenty of scrutiny and criticism among international observers. Chief among them is Musk, who increasingly despises left-wing politics, and recently endorsed noted Venezuela-hardliner Donald Trump to be US President.
Amidst Venezuela’ latest election, Musk has spent the past week using his platform to lambast Maduro, sharing fake news about the socialist politician, including a tweet that falsely claimed that a video showed “armed communist Maduro gangs” were raiding polling stations.
On Wednesday, Maduro decided he had enough, and on a live TV broadcast spoke off the cuff to challenge Musk to a fight.
“I’m not afraid of you, Elon Musk,” Maduro said on national television, as quoted by Fortune. “Let’s fight, wherever you want.”
Musk responded in decidedly less ceremonious fashion.
“I accept,” he wrote on X, formerly Twitter, replying to a screenshot of Maduro’s challenge.
And so, in honor of this stupid piece of news, here’s a quick round-up, in no particular order, of all the other people Musk said he would fight in actual combat — from which you might conclude he’s more bluff than fisticuff.
Mark Zuckerberg: a face-off between two centi-billionaire titans of the tech industry. Or a fight between a guy with actual martial arts training and a self-billed “Walrus.” Who would win in 2023’s most hyped matchup? Sadly, we never got to find out, after Musk kept making excuses about his neck and back injuries.
Vladimir Putin: “I hereby challenge Vladmir Putin to single combat,” Musk said in a tweet over two years ago. “Stakes are Ukraine.” Musk claimed he was “absolutely serious” about this one, but needless to say, the bout never happened. He would make his mark in the broader conflict, though, after disrupting a Ukrainian ambush by cutting off their military’s Starlink internet. Unrelated: Musk and Putin seem to be on better terms now.
Johnny Depp: In his ugly legal case versus Amber Heard, whom Musk used to date, it emerged in court that Depp sent a text message to the actress threatening to chop off Musk’s lower appendage. The multi-hyphenate billionaire was asked about this in a 2022 interview with The New York Times. “If Johnny wants a cage fight, just let me know,” Musk replied facetiously. Depp never got the memo, apparently, and there was no rumble.
Honorable Mentions: Mickey Rourke is Johnny Depp’s friend. And Mickey Rourke didn’t like what Musk said about Johnny. And so the former boxer, handsome mug, and onscreen wrestler said on Instagram that he’d fight Musk in Depp’s place, threatening to “take him to school” using just his left hand. But sorry, Mickey: don’t think Musk saw this one.
There was also some spillover during the Musk-Putin feud, which led to Musk reigniting his beef with Roscosmos space chief Dmitry Rogozin. The stakes this time were a little higher than a rap battle. After Rogozin responded to Musk’s Ukraine tweet by using a Pushkin verse to call him “weak,” Musk spent the next several months joking about Rogozin’s intelligence and posting memes about him and Putin being cage fighters. At one point, Rogozin discovered Musk’s secret that he makes at least half his tweets on the porcelain throne, for which he had a few choice words. “Elon, get off the toilet, then we’ll talk,” Rogozin posted on X. Those sound like fighting words, but once again nothing ever materialized.
In a sense, you could say we’re all waiting for Musk to either crap or get off the pot.
More on Musk mischievousness: Elon Musk Mocked for Claiming Christianity Is Under Attack While Wearing Baphomet Armor With Upside Down Crosses in His Profile Pic
Share This Article