A nice man arrives one morning after a few phone calls and an “I’m half an hour away” text to carry out what has variously been described as an ‘update’ and a ‘recall’ to the Land Rover Defender 130.
Most of its updates happen over the air, but not this one, which requires plugging in a diagnostic laptop to a 16-pin socket in the driver’s footwell, because it’s a security update. It disables the ‘can bus’ when the car is locked, to make it harder to steal.
Gary says theft isn’t a Land Rover-specific problem but is an issue for all premium car makers, so updates/recalls/whatever like this are just part of the game of cat and mouse with increasingly sophisticated criminals.
I wondered if a lot of pinched cars end up in Russia, given sanctions mean they can’t officially be sold there (though some unscrupulous neighbouring countries are experiencing a curiously unexpected sales volume boost), but I’m told the UAE is a more typical end point.
The job of reinforcing this Defender starts at 0825hr and is all done by 0835hr, after a couple of checks that the windows still work; the update occasionally upsets a few supplementary systems, necessitating a second reboot, but all is well here.
While the work’s being done, I’m also advised not to use a Land Rover Remote app – which I had to download as part of the insurance requirements – to lock the car if I’ve inadvertently left the keys inside it (if, say, I remember while standing in line at a filling station).
The app won’t then unlock it, and my keys will be inside, which is suboptimal. Duly noted. Anyway, 10 minutes after Gary arrives, he’s on his way again and the Defender feels no different to me but is more secure. Happy days.
I thought I might have to wait longer so I’ve been clearing and tidying the car up while the update has been happening.
A colleague might need to use it without much notice, and handing over a filthy car to somebody important is seldom advisable. And yet the Outbound spec is a rufty-tufty lifestyley variant so I’ve been trying to use it like one as much as possible and have a boot sullied by hay and horse feed.