They’re not fast, quiet, smooth, desirable or – in many obvious ways, at least – remotely ‘nice’.
They don’t have enticing engines or inviting interiors. They’re not always easy to fit into a parking space and are hopeless on the supermarket run. Very often they don’t even have enough seats. Yet there’s something a bit noble – wonderful, even – about driving a van.
When you’re in one, you invariably have a practical reason to be. And because that’s what you’re focused on, you don’t expect to enjoy yourself. Yet somehow you do. It’s a bit like borrowing a set of plumber’s spanners from a friend so you can fix your wobbly bathroom tap and discovering that they’re so clever that you break them out for almost anything. Changing a light bulb. Opening a high window. Scratching yourself in that hard-to-reach spot.
Big vans are the best. Climbing up high behind the wheel, for a start, makes you feel like Jerry Reed in Smokey and the Bandit. The seat and driving position you find there is always surprisingly comfortable and well laid out. Vans always have a healthy supply of storage cubbies and armrests. And because they sit you up so high in front of such a huge windscreen, you get a fantastic view of the road ahead, to make up for the non-existent one backwards in the rear-view mirror.
The gearlever is generally positioned high on the fascia, too, like in an old Civic Type R. Soon enough, you discover the steering lock. There’s loads of it. That means plenty of arm-twirling is called for on the big, raked steering wheel-but that just makes you feel like Ari Vatanen as you swing into your driveway.
The main point is that, although they’re big, vans can be surprisingly wieldy. And slotting them backwards perfectly into any marked bay, based only on what you can see in your elephantine door mirrors, brings a particular sort of satisfaction. If you get the chance to tow with one, it’s as if you’ve graduated to some master level of driving proficiency-like you deserve an MBE or something.
At speed, there’s still more to like. The elevated view down the road over the cars in front. The accessible torque of the diesel engine, the effective use of which keeps both your brain and your limbs engaged. And the willingness of the thing to whizz along, down country roads and around bends, at a rate that you just wouldn’t have credited.