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Tesla Cybertruck: “Society can kiss my behind!”

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Published on December 1st, 2019 |

by Court Nederveld

Tesla Cybertruck: “Society can kiss my behind!”

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December 1st, 2019 by Court Nederveld

After some reflection:

Tesla Cybertruck

A few days have passed since the reveal of Tesla’s Cybertruck. I’ll admit to being one of those who thought Musk was playing a joke when the Cybertruck first rolled onto the stage. But in a few minutes I realized this was really it. It wasn’t a movie prop, this was the newest addition to the Tesla lineup of electric vehicles. The sledgehammer stunt was pretty cool, and then the window break fail (first iteration) made me wonder again if this was just a setup for the real vehicle. When the show was over, I truly didn’t know what to think.

Who is this and what did you do with my son?
As the end of the reveal faded out, I received a text from my son. Let me set this up properly. My son lives in TEXAS, where people only drive trucks. He drives an F-150 with lift kit, gigundo tires, custom exhaust, crew cab, and another bunch of stuff — I don’t even know what it is. This is a 40 year old who until this reveal had no interest in electric vehicles. He texted me immediately after the presentation ended to let me know he had reserved the 500 mile, three motor, 0–60 in 2.9 seconds version and couldn’t wait to get it.

I just don’t know what to think. Armageddon may be here.

As I pondered this diversion in the fabric of space/time, this piece on CleanTechnica shed a little perspective on the subject. The Cybertruck does make every other “truck” out there look a bit sissified. Compare the new Tesla truck vs this S-1500 and I think you’ll agree:

Image credit: little tikes

Editor’s note: I do have several extended family members in Texas. Court’s telling of the culture matches my understanding and observations of it, particularly his use of the word “sissified” and his statement, “TEXAS, where people only drive trucks.” While my article above was basically a quick decision at 2:00am or so one evening to write a funny article, it did capture a top reason why I think the Cybertruck could be a humongous hit, but I’ll let Court get back to that.

Could anything be uglier?
But it sure is butt ugly. Or is it? Apparently, 146,000 people in the first 48 hours didn’t think so.

Tesla Cybertruck

Editor’s note: Okay, one more comment! While many consider the Cybertruck to be ugly, some commenters insightfully highlighted that ugliness right next to their statements that they ordered the thing! In my humble opinion, the “macho” nature of the truck is benefited by it being “ugly.” Remember, real men are not supposed to be pretty. They’re supposed to be gruff, tough, and “ugly” to some extent or another.

Glorified Hummer? Nope
My first thought was that this was another glorified Hummer. But when you compare the specs, there is no comparison.

Shades of John DeLorean
What about the stainless steel body? I love that it is bullet proof, sledgehammer proof, and definitely able to take the impact of a shopping cart at the grocery store. Okay windows — those were first iteration. Stainless steel? Didn’t John DeLorean try that a few decades ago? Dealerships were throwing a coat of paint on them, which promptly didn’t stick and fell off, making the cars uglier than the Cybertruck. But the answer today is a wrap. I can already visualize a full camo Cybertruck. Maybe a full mirror finish that acts like a cloaking device. The possibilities to make the Cybertruck an expression of your personality are endless and start with a clean slate.

A new light-fighting machine?
The Cybertruck could also be the go-to vehicle for rebels, warlords, and fast moving militias.

Frank Sinatra said it — “I’ll Do It My Way.”
Thinking about my son buying a Cybertruck, I figured it out. Vehicles are individual expressions of who we think we are, not what society says we should be. Society says sophisticated men should dress like the guy on the left. But when we drive our Cybertruck, we feel like the guy on the right.

Has Musk done it again?
If the Cybertruck actually takes off, and 146,000 reservations in 48 hours would at least hint at that possibility (update: 250,000 since this article was written, based on the last Elon Musk tweet on the topic), this could be the clarion call to legacy manufacturers that there might just be something to this electric revolution. Trucks are the bread and butter of Ford, GM and FMC. They won’t take this quietly.

Via EV Obsession.
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About the Author

Court Nederveld Court is currently a columnist for a local newspaper. His EV history started 2009 when he found and restored a 1994 US Electricar Chevy S-10. He has owned a Nissan LEAF and currently a Tesla Model S.

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Rezvani Motors Wants To Shoot Up A Cybertruck

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Published on November 28th, 2019 |

by Johnna Crider

Rezvani Motors Wants To Shoot Up A Cybertruck

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November 28th, 2019 by Johnna Crider

In two Instagram posts this week, Rezvani Motors declared its desire to shoot up a Tesla Cybertruck with an AK (I presume 47). To be honest, seeing Elon and Franz beat up the Cybertruck brings out that inner devil child who wants to wreak havoc. The Cybertruck is tough enough to handle it, for sure.

Rezvani Motors posted the first Instagram post with a caption: “Hey @TeslaMotors at Rezvani Motors we don’t toss balls at our vehicles. We challenge you to a real ballistics test. Name the date, we’ll bring our 1000hp Military Edition TANK!” They also mentioned that it’s at the LA Auto Show until December 1.

Although they challenged Tesla, I do want to mention that perhaps shooting the Cybertruck on stage with an AK47 would not have been a wise thing for Elon or Franz to do, especially since there were lots of potentially innocent people around and a flying bullet could kill one of them. However, I am sure that Tesla would be down for this if done in a safe setting. I assume the placed shown in the second Instagram post (below) is such a setting.

The photo Rezvani Motors uploaded was a graphic of them shooting at one of their trucks, split with a graphic of the Cybertruck. This could be some serious fun.

One of the replies was about the cost of the vehicle, since the Cybertruck is $50,000 (I think he was referring to the dual-motor version with AWD). Let’s compare the $49,900 Tesla Cybertruck with the Rezvani 1000hp Military Edition Tank.

Rezvani vs. Tesla
Rezvani
This tank, with a Demon V8, starts at $295,000. Now, before you freak out at that price tag, remember this is a military-edition tank and not a car you would see on the highway. This tank comes with a lot of protection bangs for the buck, but then again, it is a military tank. Some features that I think are pretty rad:

Underside explosive protection
Thermal night vision
Electromagnetic Pulse Protection
It’s its own siren. (Tesla, this is my dark side speaking to you, I want my Cybertruck to have a siren!)
Strobe lights.
Intercom system (Tesla, if not the siren, then this for sure. Or wait, I can be a bit snappy with my words sometimes. Maybe not.)
Gas masks
First aid kit and hypothermia kit. (Louisiana doesn’t need the latter).
Smokescreen

I dare say it can take on Louisiana traffic.

The Engine

Yes, I know we are all about cleantech, but Rezvani takes pride in its engine, and for the sake of the reader’s clarity, we need to know what Tesla would be competing against. The engine is a 1,000 horsepower V8 engine from the Dodge Demon and is “capable of propelling TANK(tm) over any terrain.”

The Armor

Rezvani says that it has the “latest in ballistics armor capable of stopping high caliber weapons and assault rifles.” It also has its more sensitive parts — radiator, battery and fuel tank — all snuggly protected with kevlar. And it has its underside protected from explosive devices.

Tesla Cybertruck
Tesla Cybertruck with dual motors and all-wheel drive starts at $49,900. The range is 300+ miles. There is no monster engine here, since Tesla is first and foremost about sustainable energy. The Cybertruck doesn’t have a siren and, to be honest, I can grab a first aid kit at Walgreens if I need one. Tesla does have fart mode, though. Also, I really don’t need a tank. I’m not going to war. I’m a lover, not a fighter.

The Armor

The Cybertruck has its own armor, and it’s made not just with household stainless steel. The stainless steel is an alloy that SpaceX will be using for Starship. Elon also said that, “It is literally bulletproof to a nine-millimeter handgun,” so it may not take the heat from an AK47, but it still hands more than a Ford F-150, Ram 1500, or Chevy Silverado. We could still try out an AK47 on the Cybertruck, though. It could be fun. At the unveiling of the full-height Starship Mk1 prototype, Elon revealed that the Starship would have stainless steel for the outer shell. It will have additional glass tiles covering the layer for half of the spacecraft that will take on the highest heat from re-entry. The Cybertruck, unlike the tank, seems to be made for space rather than war.

So, Who Won This Comparison?
Well, when it comes to military-grade luxury tanks, Rezvani has Tesla beat. I love Tesla, am a fan, but Elon isn’t making vehicles to fight a war (unless you count traffic). He is trying to help humanity transition to sustainable energy. The average American going to and from work who may just want something different — or something with a myriad of benefits unseen in any other consumer vehicle — doesn’t need the Rezvani Military TANK. Sure, it would be handy in a car accident, but honestly, it would probably kill the other driver.

Personally, I would still get the Cybertruck. It’s affordable and would still protect me if I was in an accident. Knowing the glass could crack but will most likely not shatter is a plus. However, if I were a criminal mob boss, I’d get that tank. Well, I’d get that tank and a Cybertruck. Both would be fun.

Speaking of fun, I challenge both Tesla and Rezvani to race at Nürburgring! Let’s do this!
Follow CleanTechnica on Google News.
It will make you happy & help you live in peace for the rest of your life.

About the Author

Johnna Crider Johnna Crider is a Baton Rouge artist, gem and mineral collector, and Tesla shareholder who believes in Elon Musk and Tesla. Elon Musk advised her in 2018 to “Believe in Good.”

Tesla is one of many good things to believe in. You can find Johnna on Twitter

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